oh no..not again...

It is snowing.

Again.

Last night, the TV weathermen didn't make a fuss over this predicted snowfall stating that we would be "only getting 1-3 inches worth of snow".

Right.

So far, we have at least 8 inches and it is still falling.

If I didn't have to go out I wouldn't mind.

But I have customers to tend to that are away on vacation.

I hate driving in this shit.

I have one customer who's house sits literally on a cliff.

To get to this house you have to drive this narrow bumpy pitted incline and then, down a wicked straight drop to where the house is perched overlooking this spectacular vista. It is absolutely beautiful in the spring, summer and fall.

It reminds me of Telegraph Hill in San Francisco except for- San Francisco doesn't get snow and ice.

You could literally slide down this hill and keep on going all the way down into the Merrimack River. I mean it.

Yesterday, I parked on a side road leading up to the hill. The road was sanded but it was still covered with huge patches of ice with frost heaves. I wasn't going to take my chances.

I, however, have to get over there today, somehow.

Needless to say, I have a knot in my stomach.

Yesterday, I made sure this kitty had two full bowls of food and two water bowls so if I can't get over there at least I know the kitty has plenty of food and water.

How many days til spring?

Scrottie McBoogerballs

Ok I'd be first person to stick my nose in the air with my hand waving in disdain stating that 90% of the so called comedies out there are tasteless, vile, and just not funny.

However.

For some reason, the cartoon show"South Park" makes me laugh so hard I end up with a stomach ache.

Oh yeah, it's vulgar, juvenile, sophomorphic, gross, politically incorrect and down right awful.

One of the first movies my husband and I saw while we were dating was "South Park: the movie".

Let me tell you right now this is not a date movie.

It was gross and embarrassing, but it had it moments that you couldn't stop laughing.

Every once in awhile when there is nothing on TV my husband will go on the computer to watch "South Park" episodes.

The last one we watched was titled, yes, "Scrottie McBoogerballs".

And of course, because of the title alone, we had to watch it.

The story line was on banned books. The south park characters decided to make up their own book to make the banned book list. It was titled "Scrottie McBoogerballs" and because of it's vulgarity it became a best seller.

I found this theme hilarious because it reminded me of when I was a kid. My cousin and I would write and illustrate our own books and comics. We entertained ourselves for hours.

I'm sure our parents thought it was so cute and nice that we played so nicely together but the reality was that we were scheming up gross and funny stories that we hid from prying adult eyes.

Mad magazine was our bible.

We would try to shock and gross each other out with outrageous stories and cartoon drawings. Oh yeah, we ended up with stomach aches from laughing so hard.

Needless to say I had to email my cousin to check out the "Scrottie McBoogerballs" episode off the "South Park" website.

I may grow old but I'll never grow up.

parkinson's disease

As we age, our parents age.

My father in particular, has been having a lot of health issues over the past six years.

As we are all so well aware of our "drive by health care system" many ailments, diseases etc.. go by undiagnosed until there is a major health crisis.

Just to get an appointment or even talk to a doctor is like running through a F*&^ing maze. For a normal relatively healthy mentally cognitive person to finally get an appointment through the tunnel of : "press 1 in English" "press 2..." etc.. it takes close to ten minutes to get the desired results. I can not image what the elderly, in particular, must go through when they are sick, incapitated, hard of hearing and confused easily having to deal with this stupid shit.

I don't mind growing old but what I do mind is how the elderly are not treated with respect, patience and dignity. You really have to be proactive to get results.

Finally, after years of being shuffled around and I feel, ignored, my father finally got the testing he needed to explain his declining health issues.

He has parkinson's disease.

In some way, I actually felt relieved by this diagnosis. It finally put a label of why he has been confused, why he has tremors and has general leg weakness.

I told him that this was a "good" thing. We now have at least a direction to take to give him the proper care. I joked with him telling him he is "now like my boyfriend Michael J Fox".

A few years ago, I read Michael J Fox's book, "Lucky man". I had a customer diagnosed with this same disease at a young age. I wanted to have some insight and knowledge of this disease since I only thought "old people" acquired it.

I think cutting back on my client load was probably good timing. My mother will need more help and now, I'll be a little bit more available if she needs me.

One day at at time.

February 23rd

OK come on people, it is time to put your F*&^%ing Christmas decorations away!

Gross!

How many cats!? part 3 -think outside the box

I've been finding the little blue pills around the house from "Felix" spitting up his anti-anxiety meds.

Well, at least I think those little blue pills are "Felix's" pills (wink)

I've been finding ,"Vadl", the drooling "special needs' cat downstairs as well despite my repeated and valiant efforts of locking him in his room as instructed by the owner. Seriously, I do not know how he gets out. I slam the door shut and there he is drooling over the water fountain the next morning.(!?)

Either Vadl or Felix has been using the kitchen counter as a toilet on a daily basis.

Today, I found I bunch of turds in a neat little pile next to the tea kettle.

I had to call the owner, which I am reluctant to do, as not to make them worry, but I had to in regards to Felix's expulsion of his daily needed meds.

I suggested grinding the pills up, putting them in peanut butter and smearing it on his paws so he would be forced to eat it off. I had to run this by the owner first just in case peanut butter was a no no. She was fine with this suggestion (thank God!)

The peanut butter trick worked but Felix was not happy having this sticky goo on his paws. He twitched a little and let out an angry gutteral meow.

One more day, my friend, just one more day.

I also inquired about if there were any extra litter as the litterboxes were getting well used and needed to be at least topped off.

There was none.

The cat food was dwindling as well. There is just enough for one more day.

The elderly cat that was confined to bedroom had successfully peed on every bit of bedding and towels in the room. I notified the owner of this situation and she told me, "oh, that's Ok. She does that".

ok..

I managed to get everyone fed, all five litterboxes as clean as possible, the floor swept up and I gave everyone a "happy good kitty head scratch" to reduce the anxiety of their "mommy" not being home for them. I did a head count and everyone was accounted for.

Last night, we had hurricane winds. Thankfully there was no damage.

This morning, we had snow.

Again, thankfully, we only got an inch or two of snow which was not a problem.

Thank God for small favors.

sanctum

We don't go to the movie theater that often but we did want to see the movie "Sanctum" about the cave divers on the big screen in 3D.

The movie definitely delievered the impact of making you nervous.

There were a few things about the movie that aggravated me though.

First of all, the two women in the movie were portrayed as being kind of stupid and annoying. They ended up dying in the end. (I'm not surprised since the film maker was a New Zealander. And unfortunately, my experience I've had with male new Zealanders is that they are sexist jerks) One of girls just had to have her top zipped low enough to see cleavage.

Puuuuleeaze...

Another thing I found irritating about the movie is they talked about using rebreathers.

I am guessing by the depth they were at underwater and below sea level that they were way past a 30 foot depth. I had thought using a rebreather was toxic past a 30 foot depth. (?)

Also, if you were in a dark confusing cave wouldn't you want bubbles from your regs to show where your bubbles were flowing up to orient yourself of being up or down?

I know, I know, it is just a movie...

I'll give it that it was entertaining and it did make you grip the edge of your seat. Plus, I wanted to see the cave diving scenes.

How many cats!?! part 2

Well, for the first two days everything went fairly smoothly caring for the house of nine cats.

I was a little nervous about popping the anti-depressant pill in "Felix"s mouth. I was hoping to find the right cat since most of the cats kind of look the same (mostly tabby cats). I popped the pill down his gullet without too much a fuss and treated him with kitty treats afterwards.

Day one, so far so good.

Oh yes, there was a 'treasure hunt" of assorted vomit here and there but I just cleaned it up.

I had to keep the mentally "challenged" cat, "Vadl", separate from the other cats in his own room since he tends to start fights with the other cats..

However, the next day I found him downstairs.

I thought to myself, "hmmm.. did I not shut the door tight enough?" I knew he had found his way out of the room by the tell tale blob of mucus in the kitty drinking fountain. He put up a bit of struggle when I put him back in his room. He wasn't too happy about although I thought he would be OK with since he at first, sat there staring off in space with this 5 inch long glob of brown booger hanging from his mouth. He then, made a racket in the room by running around and banging into the door as if by banging it it would open it up.

Again, the next day I found this cat down stairs sitting in the kitchen.

I don't think this cat is so mentally challenged.

He figured away to get the door open by banging it even when I shut it tight.

As I was cleaning the cat dishes and scooping the litterbox I noticed "Vadl" jump up on the counter where my waist wallet was sitting as well has my daily written report was situated. He promptly strategically positioned his arse on my pack and peed on it.

Jesus...

He was clearly expressing his displeasure at my being there.

"Felix" took note and spit the pill out after I had given it to him.

Oh great...

I tried again, gave him some treats, and talked to him gently.

After the third try, he finally swallowed the pill.

I think.

Again, I followed the "treasure hunt" trail of hair balls, poo balls and vomit.

The other seven cats seem to be normal and content, even the elderly incontinent one seemed to be fine.

I cleaned everything up, made sure litterboxes were clean and that the food was replaced with fresh food.

Three more days to go.

How many cats!?!?!

I have a new client starting this week. She seems like a nice lady.

She has a lot of cats.

I mean alot of cats.

Cat people are , what you would say, a little different.

The way I look at it at least I'll have some interesting writing material on this new adventure.

And I won't be outside in the biting cold.

Some of these cats have no tails.

There is one cat that is a bit scrotty looking who is mentally retarded. He stares off in space and drools.

One of the cats is elderly, fussy and (drum roll please..!) incontinent.

I noticed bits of squished flattened ca ca stuck to the wooden flooring. I also noticed some of the bedding had shit smears. I understand animals have accidents but I am wondering if this is a regular occurance.

One of the cats I have to give the antidepressant amitriptyline because this cat has anxiety issues. I have to stuff a pill down this cat's throat. This should be challenging to say the least.

I counted nine cats.

I am hoping I can remember which cat needs the meds. I took amitriptyline myself for a very short period of time as a experimental drug prescribed by a Boston medical doctor to help with migraines. It is suppose to calm neuropathic pain but it only made me super hyper. It had the complete opposite effect of calming and stabilizing the pain. I was a complete wacko bouncing off the walls.

Hopefully, I will not anything to report as a follow up on this post regarding this case because it will mean everything went smoothly without an incident.

when budgies (and cockatiels) rule the world!

It is amazing how when you have pets that your life evolves completely around them.

Last night, my husband and I went out for our "Valentine dinner". I had to book dinner reservations for a prefered seating (I wanted an "ocean front" view) three weeks ago at a local la de da restaurant. I like to book dinner early so we are home early enough to feed, change the poop papers and play with the birds. A pal of mine makes fun of me saying that we eat 'when old people eat". We usually eat at 5:00pm sharp.

Whenever, we plan to do something all day we make sure we are home on the birds regularly scheduled "feed, change papers and play with" schedule. The birds get nervous and agitated when their schedule gets interrupted.

Whenever I take a vacation somewhere warm the first thing I do is contact my pet sitter to make sure she is available first before I book a trip. I'll have her come over twice a day to keep to somewhat of their regular routine.

I had been sick and exhausted all of this month, so I took saturday as a "veg out" day. I took little Eddie upstairs with me for a nap. She loves this "one on one" attention even though I am napping. She will perch herself on the pillows next to my head and take a snooze herself. She will even hold in her poop in during this time as to not to soil the pillow. After I emerge from my much needed slumber, I will place her on a kleenex so she can 'go". She is my most spoiled but favorite bird.

While I was napping, my husband was busy in the office room assembling a new computer printer. He came into the bedroom with smile showing me four thick card board rollers used as packing material in the printer box proclaiming, "hey look at this! We can use these as bird chew toys!"

I thought to myself they would make good bird toys! I find myself replacing and refurbushing bird toys every two weeks. If they destroy a toy then I know it's a well loved toy. They love toys made of straws, shoe laces, chinese finger pulls and paper products that can be chew up.

Last weekend, I had bought this beautiful unique owl basket at an antique store. I thought it would be perfect to store magazines and catalogs in by the living room.

The birds were terrified of it.

They were screaming, flapping and refusing to go in the living room. I had to put the owl basket upstairs away from view. Brats!

I've learned that I need to use neutral colors on my nails whenever I treat myself to a pedicure/manicure. My birds will not go near me when I choose (my favorite color) royal blue.

I am stuck with pearl, pale pink or gold. I think they would be OK with lime green since they prefer the lime green food cup dishes but that is kind of a gross "boogery" color for fingernails.

My mother bought me this white lace tablecloth for my dining room table which of course is the kind that needs to be ironed. I kind of looked at her thinking to myself, 'right.."

I have to change the tablecloths on the dining room table daily because the birds make such a mess on it. I generally use inexpensive polyester print ones since they are durable and easy to wash and dry on a daily basis.

One of my dive buddies said I was the 'crazy bird lady'.

Well, I think he is right.

*PS: the photo above is Twillinger (green budgie) sitting on the ceiling fan!

good choice or not?

I had made the decision to give up my regular dog walking clients. I thoughtfully weighed the pros and cons.

The negative part of giving up the dogs would be:

a) I would miss them

b) It's steady exercise

c) It's a main source of steady income

The reasonings on why I would halt regular dog walking:

a) The weather conditions in general, such as: Snow storms, freezing rain, ice, below zero temps, hurricane winds, rain and summer heat.

b) I never get a sick day. I am out regardless of how I feel.

c) The rising cost of gas.

d) Unpredictable schedule.

e) General burn out.

So I decided on putting together a more aggressive advertising plan for bird boarding and house calls for cats so that my business doesn't collapse. I would still do the occasional dog walking but not on a regular basis.

I had been really grouchy and depressed since last week. I'm guessing it is a mix of shitty weather, exhaustion and F*&^ed up hormones plus a serotonin crash.

I would talk to each of the clients in person as well adding a formal letter of my departure with the name and number of my pet sitter so that their service would not be disrupted.

You know that expression "timing is everything".

Well, talk about shit hitting the fan while holding the bed-pan.

I just informed one of my long time customers.

She burst out in tears.

She had just been laid off.

She would not be needing me anymore regardless but she was visibly saddened.

I felt terrible.

But we talked for a bit and agreed that possibly in the future I could come back.

Another client's son has a terminal illness. I will continue on for awhile. My husband wants me to continue with this customer for some reason, he really likes this dog. She's kind of a brat too.

I thought I would feel better after making such a decisive decision, but I don't.

It's sort of like breaking up with a really nice guy when you go off to boot camp. Sure, you could continue on with the relationship but instead you just want to focus on boot camp.

Seriously, this is a dunkin donut day.

And a Cayman Gold rum day.

Instead I went in my closet and tried on all my shoes.

trapped like rats

I took a deep breath and started to check out flights and vacation packages.

I was really opposed to flying because of all this TSA bullshit, I get seriously airsick, and I hate having to deal with all the baggage limitation nonsense.

I was just going to bite the bullet and 'leave dodge" hoping I would be able to clear my head.

I think the airlines know everyone in the new England states are about ready to hang themselves due to the nonstop crap weather conditions . They not only have jacked up the prices of airline tickets but also limited the frequency of flights.

I wasn't expecting a "good deal' but I was expecting a somewhat palatable rate for any place that flies nonstop.

February and March are all booked up.

April is now a "blackout" month.

They got you by the scrotties.

I thought about going somewhere within driving distance for a 'break" but I am seriously paranoid about this growing bed-bug situation that has even infected four star hotels.

Ugh.. we are trapped... like rats!

Today's weather advisory: major shit-storm brewing!

The nice thing about writing a blog is that you can write out your thoughts in a (for the most part) rational format. You can then examine, process and hopefully , make decisions by looking at what you have written down.

Last tuesday and wednesday weren't my worst days in the "dog walking world" but on a scale from 1-10 and 10 being the worst, they were both a 9.8.

Those were the days we got over two feet of snow and that oh so lovely layer of freezing rain.

If my husband was not working at home those two days I would not been able to leave the house. The snowblower is too heavy and awkward for me to manuever. I spent hours on just shoveling the areas the snowblower got stuck or could not reach.

To be honest, I should not have been out driving around to clients homes period.

When I did arrive at the client's homes, the dogs pooped and peed on the floor because they knew enough that they did not want to go out in crappy weather, cleaning up their mess just added to the adventure.

Driveways were not plowed out so I had to pull my car up on a snowbank praying that my car did not get clipped by a city snowplow and hoping I would not be stuck. Walkways weren't shoveled either. I trudged in waist deep snow to the houses. Probably the biggest thing that bothered me those two days was the added fear factor when I clipped the snowbank in the blinding snowstorm going over the 95 bridge thinking to myself "oh shit..that was close". Two hours later, a car going a little faster than what I was going jettison right off the bridge.

I've had to inch my way on ice covered stairways hoping the dogs would not yank me down.

On decent days I would get nervous when all of a sudden a black cloud appeared overhead. I didn't worry too much about getting wet from the rain but lightening was a very real danger threat.

Windstorms are dangerous as well. I've had huge tree limbs miss me by inches and I've almost stepped on downed power lines.

Frostbite is an issue too. Last year, the tip of my middle finger on my left hand turned black. Just like a burn, it peeled off so no damage was done. I had invested in construction workers winter work gloves thinking I would be fine, but apparently not.

Another thing is I don't have any "sick days". Nasty migraine or not I have to go out. Again, I shouldn't be out driving.

The bottom line is, I am seriously thinking of giving up daily dog walking.

I like the dogs but it's the F*&^ing weather....

Either I'm dealing with snow, ice, rain, freezing rain, NE hurricane winds or the blasting mid summer heat.

The dogs are big part of my client base but I just do not think I can do it anymore.

I would then just focus all my attention in my bird boarding and small critter clients.

At the same time, giving up my dog clients makes me sad.

I've learned alot from being with dogs.

They are funny, gross, honest, social, nonjudgemental, colorful and interesting.

I dunno, maybe I just need a vacation.

Help.

chionophobia

Chionophobia -means the "irrational and morbid fear of snow".

Hmm..I never could understand what claustophobic meant but I'm am starting to feel "chionophobic". I'm afraid to plan anything thinking that I'll have to drive in slick -scary -zero-visability roads.

Of course, the news on TV doesn't help with my growing paranoia.

Now, there is a serious problem of roofs collapsing due to the weight of the accumulating snow. Neighboring schools have closed because of partial roof collapses.

I watched these two guys that were hired by an elderly lady to shovel the snow off her roof. I heard them laughing because they could not believe how much snow was on her roof. They were up to their waists in snow. Even if they fell off the roof I don't think they would get hurt because the snow drifts were only about a foot from the roof line.

My roof is slanted so most of snow has not accumulated much, except for, my garage.

I tried to shovel some of it off but the roof is two stories high. I was hanging out of the attic window deperately trying to push it off. Most of the snow that has accumulated on the garage is mostly due to a big ass snow drifts blowing from the east. I could not reach and push the ice off because my arms are too short. I think I caused more damage by now creating ledges which can form ice dams. Oh shit.

Forget about trying to purchase one of those 'roof rakes' with telescopic handles. The guys at the hardware stores laugh at you because there are none to be had.

I wait, and pray, the next storm will be a dud.

Thankfully, we did not lose electricity from that last Monster Storm like some people in the southshore did.

What a nightmare.

Don't you just want to kick those people who wear those hideous ( serious fashion violation) sweatshirts that have a dorky grinning snowman that says "let it snow!" ?

the groundhog is lying

Today is groundhog day.

We just got hit with one of the worst f*&^%ing snow/ice/sleet/shit storms since 1978. We now have 15 foot mountain ridges of snow on both sides of the driveway.

I had a customer this morning and I am telling you, just me and f*&%ing plows were out in whiteout conditions. It was horrendous.

The only way to get to Newburyport is either over the rte 95 Whittier "death" bridge or the rte 1 "skating rink" bridge. The chain bridge is closed. I am scared shitless going over those bridges in bad conditions.

The roads and driveways are not plowed. I kid you not when I say the snow is up to my chest. I keep a shovel, sand, scrapers and an extra pair of windshield wipers in my car for emergencies.

I needed to use all four items today.

I am not in a good mood.

I've already shoveled twice today and it was as if I never shoveled at all. I had to shovel the back deck off (again) because I was afraid the weight of the snow and ice would collapse it.

I also wanted to make sure the bird feeders were free of ice and full of seed. A family of goldfinches rely on me. There is also one blind goldfinch that regularly visits the feeder.

As I was trudging through the snow to check to make sure the vents were not covered with snow and ice I got stuck. The snow in the backyard was almost up to my neck. I had to dig like a woodchuck or better yet, a groundhog to make my way out of the "quick sand" snow piles.

I must be insane, or something.

I actually put on the Fox25 news to see if the groundhog saw his shadow.

These are desperate times.

I follow these silly old wives tales traditions in hopes that the weather will miraculously turn to spring.

Punxatawny Phil didn't see his shadow and it was announced spring will be here early.

I'm still in a pissy mood.

And my boots AND my underwear are filled with snow.

suicide bridge

The weather has been not only treacherous but just plain horrible.

As I write, we are expecting two feet of snow. The snow came earlier than predicted. It is coming down fast and furious not only icing up the roads but the windshields as well.

It sucks being out.

I dread going out but I have to. One of my clients is away on business so I need to go over her house a few times a day to feed and let her dogs out.

Last night wasn't too bad other than the residue ice and snow on the roadways and the freezing wind. I took Riley and KD out for their evening poop/pee stroll after dinner. Riley was more hyper than usual yanking me down the street. The road is not cleared and full of icy patches. Not only that but there are these huge snow mountains creating blind spots for cars to see. I wear a headlamp so cars can see me and I keep the dogs on a short leash close to me.

Mission accomplished as of way of that the dogs got fed, they got a little exercise and they did "their bathroom business". I was debating on whether to drive back home via highway over the Whittier bridge in Newburyport (which is faster) or go the back-roads which, for me, is better to see although it is more time consuming.

I opted for the highway this time because I was anxious to get home.

It was 6:30pm.

The highway to the bridge had ice divots all over the road. I thought to myself, "forget the speed limit, go slow, this is dangerous". I could feel the rear-end of my cruiser swinging a bit. I was thinking to myself that I was glad I did not have my ford ranger truck. There is no weight in the rear end of the truck making it feel like you are walking on ice wearing high heels. I drove slow and steady yet I still clipped one of the snow-banks entering the bridge's mouth.

I nearly shit my pants looking overlooking the side the bridge into the icy brine.

"Shit"

"I cheated death again".

"No one would be able to survive that plunge especially with water temps at 36F".

I made it safely home.

I turned on Fox 25 news just before going to bed.

Some guy from New Hamphire was not so lucky that night.

His car hit the snow bank at the mouth of the bridge. He went over the guard-rail into the Merrimack river at about 8:00pm.

The poor bastard.

You think to yourself, "was he going fast?. Did he have snow tires? Was he texting or talking on the phone? Was he drinking?"

I tend to believe none of these was a factor.

It was just bloody dangerous road conditions.

Jeeze....