flu shot to hell

Two months ago I got a flu shot figuring I would be "flu free' for the season.
Wrong.
I had been fighting a cold on and off for about two weeks. Last Wednesday, I felt like a gorilla was sitting on my chest.I started to feel achy and really chilled to the bone. As I was about to take Mattie out for her walk she stopped and gave me the blank stare. (*the Exact stare as portrayed in the photo above)
She was reading me.
And she bit me.
She knew I was getting sick and took advantage of the situation.
My cousin's dogs are different than Mattie. When Ruby (her border collie) senses I am "off" she slows down for me. I think she could have had the potential for a job as a  "service dog"
I cancelled the rest of the week with Mattie since it was nonessential. I had no choice, I was bed ridden with a full blown flu and of course, the shingles moved in again. 
Nice. Oh nice, just in time for Christmas.
It is interesting how some animals react to when you are sick. just like people, some are nice and some aren't.
Unfortunately, when people are away for the holiday and you are on call to take care of their pets there are no sick days. Thankfully my husband is a true partner and helps me out in this time of need.
As I was laying on the couch bundled up in a blanket three of my birds came to roost and snuggle with me. Scizzorpoop whimpered and curled up under my chin. Fresh Baby sat in my hair.
Meanwhile, I felt someone was staring at me.
I slowly opened my swollen eyes. I heard this sneeze with a blob of snot landing on my forehead to see the pigeon looking straight at me anchored firmly on my chest with boogers dripping from one side of his beak..
It was bad enough that I am coughing and sneezing but the pigeon  was doing the same thing. I wiped his boogery face and he snuggled back down snoring away.
I am at least upright right now (to at least check my email and type on the computer)but I am still dizzy, congested and achy.
I am thankful at least for a nice warm clean bed, a hot bath, my faithful birds and my loving husband.

the annual bad gift awards

OK I admit I am bitchy but it's kind of fun being a snot.
And yes, drum roll please, it IS that time of the year for "bad gifts".
There was a internet topic on worst gifts for both men and women so I felt I had to put my "two cents in".
I thought it was pretty funny.
Most of them I had to agree with that were pretty awful. However, the worst part was from readers comments who had read the article..You had your usual cast of PIGS who basically wanted sex stuff or thought it was a 'great idea" to give their partner something sexual.
Oh boy...
Anyways, to me, this years bad choices are (at least, for women)

1. Any hair removal product. Really.
2."the trendy top" (it is for hiding that "unsightly 'muffin top' over your jeans"
3. the ahhh bra or genie bra. Seriously, they are the ugliest bras I've ever seen. I can only see wearing these bras if you had surgery because they look like bandages.
4. Appliances that you don't ask for.
I heard the funniest ad on TV lately. There was a lady yelling at her mate saying something like this, "A vacuum?!?! you got me a F**&^ing vacuum ?!?!" The guy responds by saying, "but I thought you liked to clean".
OMG! I burst out laughing.
5. Any weight loss product. Another, oh really.
6. Anything sexual. Gross.This should be a no brainer.
7. Ugly shoes (Hippy sandals, rubber shoes or "novelty slippers" such as giant pillowy Homer Simpson slippers(?)
8. Any of those "as seen on TV" products.
9. A fart machine. Seriously, have we graduated from seventh grade yet?
10. Puzzles. (?)
So there you have it. Please feel to comment ;-)

Hot tub time machine -year 1972

My cousins came over for our annual Christmas dinner and movie celebration.
They seem to like my cooking and do not mind my birds finding their way on to their shoulders for attention and a place to poop.
 I made a pea-nutty Asian noodle soup, stir fried broccolini with raisins along with veggie egg-rolls. Dinner was topped off with a holiday favorite-the "Friendly" jubilee ice cream roll.
We exchanged gifts, watched a movie and as a bonus for our entertainment pleasure my cousin dug out her diary she kept from 1972 to share.
We were then transported in a hilarious time machine back to 1972.
The journal was remarkably honest, detailed (she meticulously wrote down even the price of things) and what was important to her at the time.
I was included in some of her writings as a partner in crime, literally.
We would climb up on the roof of the barn by the wooden slats she nailed up on the side. We would sneak her parents sangria and also shared our imbibements  with her pet poodle as well. We delighted in scaring the crap out of the neighborhood kids. We walked everywhere embarking on some adventure.
Certainly, kids today don't do that. Everything today is an organized activity shuttled and closely monitored by helicopter parents.
There seems to be no sense of freedom or exploration or imagination for today's kids.
 Probably the funniest parts of the journals were her interactions with her brothers. I won't get into details but ...oh my God...Seriously, I laughed so hard listening to these stories that I ended up looking like Tammy Faye Baker with my mascara running down my face.
What was interesting those as she is reading on I felt like something was reaching in the back of my head like digging around a forgotten dusty closet and finding an old wooden treasure box.
All those memories revived: TV shows,  toys,  stomping grounds,  pets and  friends.
And all those adventures.
I asked her if she remembered the day we decided to 'run away".
 I think my uncle even dropped us off by the highway so we could 'run away".
I remember the weather as being  as hot as hell (We spent the summers together). I  remember lugging around (I think) a sleeping bag with a back-pack full of cans of beans (Mind you, I forgot to pack a can opener) It weighed a friggin' ton. We got tired and grouchy probably within 10 minutes of walking in the blazing sun and decided we had enough of this running away business.
I'm not sure what year this was but I am guessing around 1972.
Ahhhhh    1972!

say a prayer

It is hard to think right now, never mind express words of what has been happening lately.
Yesterday, as we watched in horror the details of some 20 year old shit walking into a elementary school killing 27 people which included 20 little kids.
Twenty of the victims were six year old babies, for God's sake!
Even the President of the United States could barely hold it together in  a press conference speaking about this unthinkable tragedy. He was obviously shaken by this shocking news.
It is just awful
People are searching for answers to why this has happened.
Less than a week ago, another dirt-bag opened fire on random Christmas shoppers in a Oregon Mall.
And still, only a few months ago, another maggot shot up movie goers in a crowded theater.
Sadly,the list goes on and on including about some whack-job student at Virginia tech  as well as the creep that shot at a crowd of people (which included kids) aiming his aggressions on a Congress-lady.
And how about those two assholes in the DC area that were target shooting people while they were just out pumping gas?
You constantly read about random brutal senseless horrific home invasions in quiet unassuming towns.
Why is this happening?
What can be done about it?
Society seems to have imploded on itself.
I hear talk about tightening up gun control. People suggest perhaps if there was a mental health intervention  these things might not have happened. I've heard talk about how people have become more disconnected from society due to over use of computers and obsessing over violent video games.
Who knows.
 I don't think the answer is all that simple.
sigh...
I feel very sorry for those families that have been victimized.
My prayers and thoughts go out to the victims, their families and their communities.

"Whook" Dec 13 2012

Sadly, right after I walked Mattie yesterday I found Whook at the bottom of the cage with his eyes closed.

Whook had some health issues  but he basically died of old age. He was Twelve years old.

Although I was prepared that at any time he could 'go' I still feel sad. 

He was our adventurous naughty talking budgie.

He would decide chat up at the most appropriate AND (inappropriate) times like the time we had the roto rooter guys clean up a backed up sewer pipe. Whook started grumbling then went on a tear saying, "Jeeeeesus Chriiiiiist! YouS TINK! Oh my God..YOU STINK! You stink you you stink 

yooooou STinkkkk!"

He also seem to delight in doing "teenage boy" things to his perch especially when the few times we had company over for dinner  singing gleefully while grinding on his perch.

He would fly into the living room, sit on our shoulder and say various things that suited him such as, "aaaaawwww..you're a biscuit! biscuity baskety..I loooove you!" Jesus Chaaaariiiiiiiist..

you're a F*&^ing nerd"

He would whistle to the "jailhouse" song sitting on my shoulder especially if I was dancing around. 

He loved that.

He had cheated death on a few occasions. One time he flew out the door on a snowy day in April. He was retrieved four days later landing on a guy's head two miles down the street saying, "you stink!".

He loved to tease the iguanas until one time Stimpy the iguana had enough and chomped on him like Godzilla breaking blood feather. He was rushed  to an emergency vet clinic at 9:00pm at night up in Nashua New Hampshire.He was a bloody mess but he survived.

Whook had seen many companion budgies come and go through his life span.He seemed especially at a loss when his first companion  cute little "Dexter' died of a tumor (as with all the subsequent budgies had succumbed to as well)

I made him a coffin for his burial fit for a king. A lacquered box with a brass latch with Whook's portrait and a jeweled cross. I made him a silk pouch with a silk ribbon ornate with small crystal crosses.

Whook's send off was in style.

We will miss Whook and all of his antics.:-(

still sticking to "the program"

* I found this photo on the internet of an obese budgie

Occasionally I fall off "the weight watchers wagon" but after sticking to the main premise of their "life style' change after two and a half years I've pretty much stayed on course.
I think for the most part, I've gotten over the insane sugar/junk food cravings. I eat the same amount of food but it is usually a bucket full of veggies instead of cookies or something junky.
I was at a very la de da party at the top of the hub recently. By 7:30pm I was pretty hungry. They had buffet stations that offered different food items.
For the most part, there was nothing I could eat. They had pork dumplings, lobster ravolis, a beef carving station and other things that were loaded with cream sauces.
 I tend to stay away from salad bars  in these open settings as well. I've seen people pick the veggies up, sniff them and put them back in the bowl as well as sneeze close to the open bowl.
 It's nasty.
The only thing I found remotely edible was grilled root vegetables.
 I placed five carrots on my plate plus a dinner roll.
I was horrified when one guy next to me in line said to me, "hey save some carrots for the rest of us!"
 I was mortified.
I ignored him and walked away. Seriously, give me a F*&^ing break!
On Thanksgiving morning my 12 year old budgie Whook looked really bad. I really thought this was it for him.I thought by the time I came home from my parent's house Whook  would've passed on to budgie heaven.
To my delight,he was still hanging in there. He hadn't touched his seed but when I sat down to eat a warm plate of broccoli for my bed-time snack he scooted over to the side of cage looking at me.
I cooked up some instant rice and mixed some broccoli in it. He gobbled it down. I was kind of shocked to see him eat like that because like I said he looked like he was on death's doorstep. He hadn't eaten anything for two days.
He survived the next day.
That morning, I cooked him up more rice with cooked carrots. He ate that as well. He just refused to eat the parakeet seeds.
At this point, I was cooking rice and veggies for the other birds as well in addition to their regular seed/pellets.Oddly, if I just place the rice and veggies in their cage they will not touch it unless I sit down and eat with them.For the most part, rice and veggies is my main staple.
So it looks like the birds want to be on "the program" as well. It's healthy for all of us.
As of today, December 13th Whook is still with us.
He is still weak but he still has a good appetite -for veggies and rice.

bad holiday photo moments

Seriously, who would actually let themselves be photographed like this  for a public viewing.
What a minute, who would even THINK  to dress up like this in the first place?

I

OK. I know I am juvenile but I found this hilarious.
 This looks like a stunt one of my nephews would do with the balloon.

OK what kid HAS'NT peed on santa's lap ? Raise your hand if you haven't?
 Oh, OK, so you haven't.
I got to feel for this kid  because this is one of those "I-wish-it-wasn't-a-kodak-moment" for this poor kid.

I was innocently looking for funny photos on the internet to illustrate some holiday theme stories and I came across  a site called "awkward family photos". And these (photos) are some of those photos that I found that are just too funny for words.

I saved the best one for last.
And yes, these kids are playing with what you think they are.
Pads and tampons.

The sad part is that I know if I went digging through some of my old family albums I would stumble upon a few "hall of shame" pictures as well.

That is a part of Christmas-all the funny stuff too!

scary catfish

I just read a headline about a species of catfish that hunts pigeons by the river Tarn in France.
Horrifying!
Those poor pigeons!
Catfish for the most part are predators.
I have a bristle nose catfish in my aquarium that eats snails. The population of snails in my tank had grown so out of control  I had to add a bristle nose catfish and a clown loach to control the population.
The Amazon river boosts some of the most diverse and unusual fish species.
As pictured above is the "pralba". It is the world's largest catfish at 3M long. They have been known to tip over canoes and swallow small children on board.
The amazon also "hosts" the world smallest catfish- the candiru. This little sucker is only 2cm long (the size of the splinter)and is notorious for swimming up urethra's (yup, not just cattle but humans too)  causing some serious and painful damage.
But back to the topic of this catfish hunting pigeons. You have got to wonder if this catfish has been doing this all along  and a cameraman just noticed it or if it had (recently) taught itself that this was a 'food source".
Regardless, those poor pigeons!

turkeys lurkin'

It must be slow day in the news room having to even comment on what "new' complaint the neurotic "babies" in the ridiculous town of Brookline have to say
The busy bodies are now complaining about wild turkeys in their yards..
I mean seriously? This is a bad thing?
These are the same type of stupid people that complain and then ban a Nativity scene in a public place because they find "it offensive".
Ridiculous.
Get a F*&^ing life, will ya?
And of course, they voted for that goof-ball Elizabeth Warren and re-elected that doofus, Deval Patrick.
( Oops..did I say that out loud?)
OK back to the subject of turkeys.
Every year we have a family of turkeys that rummage around in my back-yard. Along with my neighbor we provide a safe haven for them. I can hear them just about everyday in the morning, "OOOgh OOGH", as they forage for left over sunflower seeds under my bird feeders.
I do not know if you've ever seen turkeys in flight but it is a quite a scene.
One day my birds all went nuts when they watched a flock of turkeys flew over the street and into my yard.
Turkeys are big birds so my little cockatiels were a bit unhinged seeing these massive birds through the window landing in the driveway.
They are quite beautiful and majestic.
I cringe when I see jokes made of turkeys around Thanksgiving with cartoon motifs displaying their demise on a chopping block.
In the spring -time, it is really something special when they have babies. All baby animals are cute -even the little fluff ball turkeys with their cute little 'peep" noises.
At least I know they have a safe haven in my back-yard.
And for those nit wits in Brookline......whatever...

a shoppers critique

Hey Fox , where have you been?!

Your last blog was (still) on products that work.

 I just thought I would add my (additional) two cents worth as far as product evaluation since this is a "shoppers time of year".

OK, first of all, everyone is built differently and jeans that fit one person don't work for others.

Calvin Klein jeans give me a "wedgie". They are over priced and fit terribly.

Another thing is most jeans are made in China.

Bummer.

Levis don't fit right on me. They make me look like a guy.

Most of the 'trendy jeans" make your fanny hang out. I hate having a draft in the back.Either that they squish you around the hips giving you a "muffin top" or "panda belly". 

Gross.

Seriously the best jeans on the market for the "over-30-fashionistas" is the brand "not-your-daughters-jeans" (or NYD)

They fit great and make you look skinny.

They are expensive retailing at $120.00 but I scored a pair at a consignment store last summer for $20.00 and just recently at TJMax on clearance for $29.00.

The best part is that they are made in the USA!

Score!

taubenmutter

"Rabenmutter' is translated in German meaning 'raven mother". However it is a term used for a "bad mother" for someone who is mean and cruel.
"Tabenmutter" is translated in German meaning "pigeon mother". This is a term used for someone who feeds and cares for pigeons. Stereotypically, this describes a elderly pensioner who sits at park benches and feeds the pigeons despite other people's disdain for them.
Hmmmmm...ah oh...
Yesterday morning I came across two sad sights on the beach.
It was dusk and I saw feathers flapping.
I stopped the car and ran to the beach front where two pigeons were run over by a car.. Their little bodies were still warm but limp.
 I felt sick to my stomach.
Jesus.
Really?
I scooped them up and placed them on the sand to avoid further disrespect.
Was this an accident or a deliberate act of cruelty?
I didn't see the car that did this.
Could it be my fault that they got run over?
Could have somebody did it as against me or was it an accident? Perhaps the birds wait for me at dusk when their eye sight isn't as good to avoid those stupid drivers.
Regardless, I felt terrible.