pride and prejudice part 3

Can you stand any more pig stories?

One of the funniest stories I heard was from a my long time pal of 45 years.

She was working as an appraiser.

Mortgage companies hire appraisers to revaluate their homes for either equity loans or refinancing.

She had commented on some of the homes she has appraised describing beautiful architectural designs, wood work detailing and homes with gorgeous historical restorations.

She had also been in homes that are in dire need of repairs.

She walked into one home that needed some serious updating but that wasn't what shocked her.

As soon as she opened the door to the house she was blasted with an ungodly stench. It was so overpowering that her eyes watered. The floor was littered with feces. Cats were running all over the place. But what was staring at her was an enormous pig in the kitchen. This 'house' was not in the country side but situated right smack in the middle of a busy city.

She was horrified.

She tried to hold her breath in order not to breath in the putrid stench but it was impossible.

She finished up the job and went straight home to wash the smell off. She was in such a hurry she hastily threw everything in the washing machine-including her wallet.

When she told me the story, she described the huge pig with such horror- and digust.

Of course, I laughed my ass off when she told me about her 'adventure".

A former co-worker of mine was a country farm girl from upper state New York. Her family raised farm animals and had apple orchards. She would fondly tell me about her life on the farm. Although it was a live stock farm where the pigs were raised and sent off to slaughter she had a soft spot for one of the piglets she affectionately named "miss piggy". She would sneak this piglet to her bedroom at night and sleep with it. Of course, I grimaced and joked that 'this may not be the last pig you sleep with". She was a very devout Christian girl and kind of looked at me confused.

Many years ago, I spent time at a martial arts boot camp on Bear Island. People with high ranking had the better cabins. This meant that they had heat and inside toilets in their cabins. Some of us with low rank had the unheated cabins with out-houses (AND dangling spiders). Ranking also influenced the location of your cabin. Since I was of low rank my cabin was near the pig pen. There were two pigs named "George" and "Micheal" (after the presidential candidates in 1988). The job of the pigs was to eat any left over garbage from the mess hall. Needless to say, down-wind, the stench and the flies were awful.

After camp was complete we were all invited back to the island.

For a pig roast.

I didn't go.

So there you have it. Hopefully, the last of the pig encounters.