I take my family out to the 99 restaurant because there is only one step to get in the restaurant and there is a table close to the entrance making it easier to take my father. I would have preferred to take my mother to some place a " little more upscale" since it is suppose to be "her day". However, if we take my father anywhere we need to accommodate him.
Sadly, he didn't make it to the restaurant on Sunday. He had fallen and hurt himself, again.
My mother went out for an hour to do an errand. As soon as she left the house he decided he "had to do something" outside. He fell backward banging his head. When she found him he got belligerent when she said he needed to see a doctor. And then, he started in about "driving" again. He said he was going to "get an out-of-state driver license" (since his license in his state was revoked, finally). He keeps talking about getting behind the wheel of his truck justifying it by saying, "(he) will only go to the park".
Before he legitimately lost his license he said he was only going to the dump but he would end up about 200 miles away from home..He's nicked off his side mirror countless times.
It's been a nonstop persistent battle with him. The bottom line is that he can never get behind the wheel of a car, ever.
It would be like giving a three year old a loaded gun to play with.
It's dangerous and scary.
I have his truck in my possession, thank God.
Thankfully he (still) has no license or keys. However, he makes my mother miserable and fights with her all the time about crazy stuff he imagines or decides at the time to obsess about.
It is sad to see someone who has lost their Independence due to their physical and mental disabilities.
I feel bad for him, but worse, for my mother to have to deal with him.
I feel like a referee in this game of life. I am trying to retain my father's dignity and at the same time, figuring out how to be clever and assertive with him so that he doesn't do something that will either harm himself or anyone around him. Unfortunately, 99% of the burden ends up falling on my Mother's shoulders.
I really do not know what to do.
Oh, V. How I empathize with your anguish. My father and mother both had dementia issues. Luckily, they had a caregiver to help my brother and sister-in-law.
ReplyDeleteDriving was a huge issue for my father, although my mother never drove at all. Redirecting his attention to another focus seemed to work the best.
I found several aids for caregivers online. This one seemed to summarize some important techniques:
http://www.caregiver.org/caregiver/jsp/content_node.jsp?nodeid=391
Gentle hugs,
Thanks Chris. I taking one step at a time. I just feel bad for my mother since she is getting the shit end of the stick.
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